13 years ago
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
PC of Cake
I'm home from work today suffering, and I mean SUFFERING from "femanine itch" ... that really sucks. Especially considering I'm not a feminine, I'm a male-anine. Yesterday, the doctor prescribed a hand-formulated compound simply called, and I kid you not, "Magic Butt Cream". That, in itself, would suffice as a good story, but I'll leave that one alone. However, I can only imagine the signage for the annual shareholder's meeting,"THE ANNUAL BUTT CREAM SHAREHOLDER'S MEETING WILL BE HELD IN BALLROOM C". The name tags would be great, "HI! MY NAME IS: BOB - BUTT CREAM SHAREHOLDER".
So a good friend calls and reminds me I haven't watched the movie I just bought, Dogma. I'm laying around, can't go out in public without getting arrested for fondling myself, so sure, an afternoon movie would be great.
I hate PC's and averything to do with them. I'm an Apple-Guy to the core (pun intended). You plug in a Mac it works. And it works GREAT! ... What the hell does my dislike for PC's have to do with this story? Everything. Read on.
So I plop the disk in the bluray player and wait. And wait. And wait, wait, wait ... What seems like, and may have been, 5 minutes later, a prompt, actually more of a declaration than a prompt, appears on the screen. Yes, it's the dreaded Sony Bluray prompt, "THIS DISK CANNOT BE READ!" My itching is now getting worse.
Time for another firmware update. Bet you didn't know you had to update your software in your damn movie player every 3 months, huh? It's a friggin' PC! Of COURSE you do. So I jump on my trusty Mac to download the update. After 20 minutes of trying to decypher Sony's indecypherable site, I stumble upon the correct download for my bluray player. YEAH!I click download. A prompt appears asking me to choose WHICH PC software I'm using to download this update ... I'm on a Mac ... that is not one of the choices. Grrrrr. Off to Google-Land to see what the hell's up with that. Found it! Can't download to a Mac. Double-Grrrrrr.
Fire up my wife's laptop - it's a PC. I navigate my way back to the elusive download site and press download. The PC laptop crashes. HOLY FLYING F@@K! Restart the damn thing. Now it's decided to do it's OWN upgrade and can't be bothered to do what I want it to do until it's done. OK, another 15 minutes later, it restarted itself - can we go back to Sony now?!
Finally! I've been able to burn a frickin' upgrade disk! There are dire warnings printed on the Sony download site - they're in red and all caps with LOTS of exclamation points warning me to NOT interrupt the upgrade sequence, that once it starts, the bluray player will turn on and off repeatedly, the disk door will open and close on its own periodically, kind of like in the Exorcist. And this will go on for approximately quite a while, but doesn't tell me HOW long.
We have a kitteh, who's now famous on I CAN HAZ CHEEZEBURGER? (search SAHTEHD KITTEH - yeah, that's him in the frying pan). He has a passion for the bluray player. He is obsessed with watching it and sometimes he will push the disk tray closed with his nose. So now I'm chasing him around the house to keep HIM from interrupting the upgrade sequence by closing the disk door.
And in the process of chasing him, I took my eye off the bluray's front panel, which has gone dark and is taunting me to remove the disk and go on about my business. But it is NOT displaying the all's clear message, "DL OK". The totally inert machine and I have been staring at each other for easily 20 minutes now, but I'm afraid to touch it.
40 minutes now. The bluray player and I are still staring at each other. Maybe if I just shoot the damn thing I can claim an intruder broke into my home, shot our bluray player and fled on foot. Then I could claim it on our insurance ... Reason for claim - intruder shot it. That should work.
I've now given up on watching Dogma. I may give up watching movies for the rest of my life after this.
I'll have to get back to you on this bluray thing later. Gotta go hit the Magic Butt Cream stash again.
Did I mention that I HATE PC's? Can't imagine why.
So a good friend calls and reminds me I haven't watched the movie I just bought, Dogma. I'm laying around, can't go out in public without getting arrested for fondling myself, so sure, an afternoon movie would be great.
I hate PC's and averything to do with them. I'm an Apple-Guy to the core (pun intended). You plug in a Mac it works. And it works GREAT! ... What the hell does my dislike for PC's have to do with this story? Everything. Read on.
So I plop the disk in the bluray player and wait. And wait. And wait, wait, wait ... What seems like, and may have been, 5 minutes later, a prompt, actually more of a declaration than a prompt, appears on the screen. Yes, it's the dreaded Sony Bluray prompt, "THIS DISK CANNOT BE READ!" My itching is now getting worse.
Time for another firmware update. Bet you didn't know you had to update your software in your damn movie player every 3 months, huh? It's a friggin' PC! Of COURSE you do. So I jump on my trusty Mac to download the update. After 20 minutes of trying to decypher Sony's indecypherable site, I stumble upon the correct download for my bluray player. YEAH!I click download. A prompt appears asking me to choose WHICH PC software I'm using to download this update ... I'm on a Mac ... that is not one of the choices. Grrrrr. Off to Google-Land to see what the hell's up with that. Found it! Can't download to a Mac. Double-Grrrrrr.
Fire up my wife's laptop - it's a PC. I navigate my way back to the elusive download site and press download. The PC laptop crashes. HOLY FLYING F@@K! Restart the damn thing. Now it's decided to do it's OWN upgrade and can't be bothered to do what I want it to do until it's done. OK, another 15 minutes later, it restarted itself - can we go back to Sony now?!
Finally! I've been able to burn a frickin' upgrade disk! There are dire warnings printed on the Sony download site - they're in red and all caps with LOTS of exclamation points warning me to NOT interrupt the upgrade sequence, that once it starts, the bluray player will turn on and off repeatedly, the disk door will open and close on its own periodically, kind of like in the Exorcist. And this will go on for approximately quite a while, but doesn't tell me HOW long.
We have a kitteh, who's now famous on I CAN HAZ CHEEZEBURGER? (search SAHTEHD KITTEH - yeah, that's him in the frying pan). He has a passion for the bluray player. He is obsessed with watching it and sometimes he will push the disk tray closed with his nose. So now I'm chasing him around the house to keep HIM from interrupting the upgrade sequence by closing the disk door.
And in the process of chasing him, I took my eye off the bluray's front panel, which has gone dark and is taunting me to remove the disk and go on about my business. But it is NOT displaying the all's clear message, "DL OK". The totally inert machine and I have been staring at each other for easily 20 minutes now, but I'm afraid to touch it.
40 minutes now. The bluray player and I are still staring at each other. Maybe if I just shoot the damn thing I can claim an intruder broke into my home, shot our bluray player and fled on foot. Then I could claim it on our insurance ... Reason for claim - intruder shot it. That should work.
I've now given up on watching Dogma. I may give up watching movies for the rest of my life after this.
I'll have to get back to you on this bluray thing later. Gotta go hit the Magic Butt Cream stash again.
Did I mention that I HATE PC's? Can't imagine why.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
Correction
Dear Three Beers:
THIS is David Crosby and Steven Stills BEFORE Graham Nash joined forming the famous band, Crosby, Stills & Nash.
Nobody knows what ever became of Neil Young. He was last seen in Ohio being followed by the National Guard.
Just so you know.
(information gathered from rickipedia)
Bands of the 1st Woodstock
A little known fact - in 1868, 32 people packed a farmer's field in upper New York for what was billed as "Three Jolly-Good Days of Affection and Banjo Music".
However, by nightfall of the first day, all 32 of the audients had left. Undaunted, the musicians got drunk and played on for three days, man. Three days. It was far out.
Tragic News Flash!
July 12th, 2009 - This just in ... tragedy ocurrs today in California NAPA Valley ...
The Frut of the Loom characters were making a guest appearance at the annual Wine Makers Conference when a case of Monty-Pythonic-Divine-mistaken-identity tragically squashed the fruity characters. Said Leaf's wife, "I can understand the Fruits getting whacked, but poor Leaf, he was just an innocent bystander! You can hardly even see him in the pic, in the pic, (sobs) in the piiiicturrrre, BWAHHAHAHHH! My poor Leafie!"
The families of Green Grape, Purple Grape and Apple, have all asked that any donations of sympathy be given in the form of Fruit Punch to the NAPA Valley Orphans Association. One anonymous family member sobbed pathetically, "The b-boys have already g-g-given their ALLLLLL!"
The Frut of the Loom characters were making a guest appearance at the annual Wine Makers Conference when a case of Monty-Pythonic-Divine-mistaken-identity tragically squashed the fruity characters. Said Leaf's wife, "I can understand the Fruits getting whacked, but poor Leaf, he was just an innocent bystander! You can hardly even see him in the pic, in the pic, (sobs) in the piiiicturrrre, BWAHHAHAHHH! My poor Leafie!"
The families of Green Grape, Purple Grape and Apple, have all asked that any donations of sympathy be given in the form of Fruit Punch to the NAPA Valley Orphans Association. One anonymous family member sobbed pathetically, "The b-boys have already g-g-given their ALLLLLL!"
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
July 10th, 1999
10 years ago today, I began a journey.
As the Grateful Dead put it: "What a long, strange trip it's been".
Thank you, Lord, for restoring my dignity.
As the Grateful Dead put it: "What a long, strange trip it's been".
Thank you, Lord, for restoring my dignity.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
iPhone Painting with Brushes app
This was FUN! Painting on the iPhone. It's tough painting with your finger in a 2" x 3" space, but zoom helps. You wouldn't believe what the professional illustrators are doing with this app! Anyway, this is my painting of our girl pug, Jiang Wei. (That's Chinese for Baby or Little Ginger. The bitch's name is Ginger ... I've always wanted to say that without getting slapped).
Saturday, July 4, 2009
the 4th of July story
Ever seen a movie where an entire fireworks factory goes off all at once? Ever think that wouldn't happen because nobody would be stupid enough to stockpile fireworks without providing protection against a simultaneous explosion? ...
It was about 12 years ago. Our friends had come over for an evening of fun and fireworks. And to be sure we were well stocked on the bang-bang stuff, ALL of us bought individual inventories of explosives. We stockpiled them all together on our closed-in back deck. We had an extremely impressive array of armament. Enough to take on a small country. Of course we were stupid for putting everything in ONE large pile, but there'd have been no story to tell otherwise.
The teenager who lived next door really liked our little spinners (similar in shape to a roll of dimes with a fuse in one end that, when lit, spins in a tight circle like a dervish, flame shooting out, making a loud buzzing sound). He offered to trade a pack of bottle rockets for a brick of them. Sure, what the hell, a little male bonding never hurt (actually, that is NOT a factual statement - somebody usually DOES get hurt during male bonding). He lit his first one and threw the little spinning ball of flaming fury on the deck and it immediately spun directly toward the large Fort Knox- like mound of fireworks we'd so unwisley constructed.
There was hardly enough time to yell, "CRAP! DUCK!" before the carnage began. Like a ping pong ball dropped in a room full of mousetraps, the fireworks ignited where the spinner had gone in and spread almost instantaneously to the entire pile. Just like in the movies. We could only stay down in our protected positions until it was all over. Stuff was shooting in all directions. Grape-like bunches of fire-crackers were being blasted everywhere only to ignite themeselves wherever they landed. Bottle rockets of all shapes and sizes were launching like a squadron of angry wasps ZING-BOOM! ZOOM-BOOM! VWOOP-BOOM! The air was THICK with spent black powder.
When the acrid smoke had settled and the fury had died down to less frequent BOOMS and WHOOSHES, we were able to come out of hiding and survey the mess. 3/4 of our stock had exploded and the neighbor boy was nowhere to be found. Probably just as well. We weren't too happy with him at the moment.
So in answer to my own question, yes, I have seen what happens when idiots place a large quantity of fireworks in one place and the whole thing goes off. It WAS kind of exciting though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!
It was about 12 years ago. Our friends had come over for an evening of fun and fireworks. And to be sure we were well stocked on the bang-bang stuff, ALL of us bought individual inventories of explosives. We stockpiled them all together on our closed-in back deck. We had an extremely impressive array of armament. Enough to take on a small country. Of course we were stupid for putting everything in ONE large pile, but there'd have been no story to tell otherwise.
The teenager who lived next door really liked our little spinners (similar in shape to a roll of dimes with a fuse in one end that, when lit, spins in a tight circle like a dervish, flame shooting out, making a loud buzzing sound). He offered to trade a pack of bottle rockets for a brick of them. Sure, what the hell, a little male bonding never hurt (actually, that is NOT a factual statement - somebody usually DOES get hurt during male bonding). He lit his first one and threw the little spinning ball of flaming fury on the deck and it immediately spun directly toward the large Fort Knox- like mound of fireworks we'd so unwisley constructed.
There was hardly enough time to yell, "CRAP! DUCK!" before the carnage began. Like a ping pong ball dropped in a room full of mousetraps, the fireworks ignited where the spinner had gone in and spread almost instantaneously to the entire pile. Just like in the movies. We could only stay down in our protected positions until it was all over. Stuff was shooting in all directions. Grape-like bunches of fire-crackers were being blasted everywhere only to ignite themeselves wherever they landed. Bottle rockets of all shapes and sizes were launching like a squadron of angry wasps ZING-BOOM! ZOOM-BOOM! VWOOP-BOOM! The air was THICK with spent black powder.
When the acrid smoke had settled and the fury had died down to less frequent BOOMS and WHOOSHES, we were able to come out of hiding and survey the mess. 3/4 of our stock had exploded and the neighbor boy was nowhere to be found. Probably just as well. We weren't too happy with him at the moment.
So in answer to my own question, yes, I have seen what happens when idiots place a large quantity of fireworks in one place and the whole thing goes off. It WAS kind of exciting though.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, AMERICA!
Friday, July 3, 2009
oops.
Imagine this car, but only bright red and not being driven by Steve McQueen...When I was a teenager, my friend owned a high-performance Mustang. A '68, I think. His 'Stang was one of the greatest cars to ever roll this planet. This was back in the days of muscle cars and this one was a Bad Ass. Just the sound of it used to excite me.
Anyway, one evening we were cruising a local town, and a hot Camaro pulls up next to us at a stop light. Oh, yeah! The obligatory engine challenges began - ROOOOMMMMMMM, ROOOOOMMMMMM. A mechanical war or words.
My friend decided to go for it. This Mustang could STOMP on that Camaro. Red light, red light, red light, GREEEEENNNNN! He stomps on the accelerator and the thing lights up the tires, and we ROCKET ahead of the other car. He slams the transmission into 2nd and it was like kicking the thing in the ass, retro-charger! Next gear - well, uh, he missed 3rd gear, and threw it back into 1st instead. BOOOOOOOMMMMM-ssssssssssssss! The Camaro shot past us and down the road.
Blew the radiator hose right out of the sucker and steam was pouring out of the engine.
Kind of an embarrassing moment. Just thought I'd bring it up again, Three Beers, heh, heh, heh...
Hawt Racing Action!
OK. Another iPhone app. Real Racing by CloudCell. This one was a bit pricey, but the reviews were AWESOME. So I gave it a try. It IS awesome! This is a video of my first time trial. I call myself Rico Fabri. Cool, huh?
The guys are saying, "YEAH!! THAT'S COOL!! I'M GONNA GO BUY AN IPHONE JUST SO I CAN PLAY THAT!!" and the women are saying, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Notice the women don't use ALL CAPS. They don't need to - they're in control.
No wonder my wife won't let me have a HARLEY.
The guys are saying, "YEAH!! THAT'S COOL!! I'M GONNA GO BUY AN IPHONE JUST SO I CAN PLAY THAT!!" and the women are saying, "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Notice the women don't use ALL CAPS. They don't need to - they're in control.
No wonder my wife won't let me have a HARLEY.
The Khondor Passes
Khen (Ken) Moore, a friend of many, many people from science-fiction fandom passed away June 30.I first met Khen at Kubla Khan in Nashville. We had some GREAT times together. But I can't remember much about them.
I DO recall a trip to a sci-fi convention in Evansville Indiana. Khen and a bunch of friends, Sue, Mike, Terry, Duke, Dan C., Allan S. and I were crammed in a hotel room. Not that we were all STAYING in the same room - that's just where we wound up after the party. Many of us on the floor. Khen was sleeping UNDER one of the beds with just his feet sticking out.
As was tradition, someone had to play a practical joke on Khen. Somebody had one of those tansferrable tattoos, stuck it on the toilet seat upside down and told the rest of us to NOT use the facilities for a while. Khen got up, bleary-eyed, went to the toilet and in a minute we heard this loud expletive from the bathroom. When he got up from the toilet, he felt something sticking to his butt and pulled off the plastic backing, thus completing the butt tattooing. And as always, he just laughed about it.
I seldom saw Khen when he wasn't smiling.
Gonna' miss you and your pink bunny slippers, Buddy.
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
iPhone art
If the iPhone doesn't win an award for bringing about great, positive, societal change, I'll be shocked. I don't know about earth-shattering societal improvement, but THIS iPhone application is down-right FUN:
These drawings (my first attempts) were created on the iPhone using an app called TypeDrawing. You write out whatever you want to say, in the case of the geisha, I wrote "beauty and grace" and for our little trouble-maker pug, Jiang Wei, I wrote "I'm a trouble-maker." Then you choose a font size, weight, paper color, or in my examples a photo from my library that I can draw over. Then you just have fun using your finger to draw with type! I haven't messed with changing fonts or sizes of fonts and may even be able to change the color of the type. Haven't gotten that far yet.
When I was a kid, Dick Tracy, a cartoon detective had a really cool device called a "wrist communicator". I ALWAYS wanted one of those, but of course, it was still fiction. Not any more. iPhone is here.
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