Saturday, January 24, 2009

The Time Warp

I remember doing the TIme Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me and the void would be calling
Let's do the time warp again...
Let's do the time warp again!

The last thing I remember was my wife dancing around the ballroom in the opposite direction of everyone else and a Klingon playing one hell of a lead guitar on stage. I mean, this alien was CRANKIN' out the Time Warp! (I HATE that song.) Picture the famous bar scene from Star Wars, only add about 1000 more overweight aliens and now imagine all that in the ballroom of the New Orleans Hilton. Ugly thought, I know, but that's the way it was. Humor me, please.

Then my face turned red and I couldn't breath any more. Ack.

... 2:25 a.m., World Science Fiction Convention, Our Honeymoon, New Orleans, LA

... 2:35 in a cab, on the way to the Tulane E.R.

... 2:50 Tulane E.R. Ack. Ack. Can't breath. Ack. Red as a beet. Ack.

Shot of epinephrine. Shot of adrenaline. OK now.

Moral of story: Ate 8-1/2 dozen raw oysters in 5 days. Discovered am allergic to oysters. At least in LARGE quantities. Didn't know that until now.

Yes, it really was our honeymoon. And yes, there really was a Klingon playing lead guitar. Not a hallucination.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Tip for CAT scan operators...

I had a CAT scan two weeks ago and as I was leaving the room, I glanced into the operator's room and saw one of my images on the screen...

If YOU are an operator of a CAT scanner, here's a handy little tip:


I have no idea what I saw on the screen because I'm NOT a f**king doctor, but I'm now thoroughly convinced I have malaria, bubonic plague, VD, a telephone pole lodged in my liver, a fatal disorder of the appendix (which I've already had removed), AND cancer of the spleen, whatever the hell a spleen is. And I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant, though I'm a male.

Please, please, please, take the damn images OFF THE SCREEN before hypochondriacs like me leave the room! Armed with ZERO medical knowledge and a 10 second glance at a CAT scan, I'm now searching the internet to determine what rare and insidious diseases I have before I get my results THREE weeks from now! AAARGGGHHHHH!

It's probably nothing ... you know, it DID kind of look like Pac-Man.

Back again

Out of my funk.

Not sure what that was all about.

Yes I am. Life moves on.