Albums I Wish I'd Never Lost

OK, I'll tell the truth - I still have Pat Boone's "In a Metal Mood" - his rendition of Stairway to Heaven is the BEST! He also kicks butt on "Smells Like Teen Spirit".

And as clarification, our pugs are not gay. They just like to hump each other.

The Non-Flying Nuns

PhotoShop fun, the images were crying out to me to be merged.

My Hero

As anyone that knows me will tell you, I love Twinkies. I know, it's whipped pig fat and there are ingredients in them that are components of rocket fuel. But some of you smoke and drink alcohol, so speak not lest yee remove the beam from thine own eye - or something like that. Can't a guy eat a case of Twinkies in peace? ... my chest hurts ... urp

I thought MY tux was bad

This site was FUN!: www.tackyweddings.com

The photo is by Stacy Reeves - I checked out her site, GORGEOUS wedding photography: www.stacyreeves.com

iPhone ROCKS!!!

I've always wanted to say this ...

This message was left using my iPhone. (Woo-Woo!)

IMHO - the King of Bonsai - Kimura

An incredible Japanese White Pine by my favorite bonsai artist, Masahiko Kimura. To see more of his awesome trees, click here.

Aquarium Plant Layout Winner

If you've ever tried to maintain an aquarium, you'll appreciate this. What you're seeing is under water - those are fish swimming around. It's pure artistry. Click the image to enlarge - it's AWESOME. I'm geeky that way.
Here are the other winners: International Aquatic Plants Layout Contest 2009

DUI (Dancing Under the Influence)

Thanks, Stacie!

Spock in the New Star Trek

Thanks to YESH from HHJH

We interrupt this program...

Oops. I was trying to find a new template that would be less chaotic than the last one and in the process, wound up trashing the entire site. It's back. This template isn't great, but I'm not messing with it until I figure out what I'm doing.

Wonder if she shits Moon Pies too?

I hates meeses to pieces

There was a dark period of time many years ago when my wife and I split up for a year. My fault. I'm stupid. But I was living alone, or so I thought.

It was Halloween and I put out a gigantic bowl of Tootsie Rolls for the neighborhood kids. The illusion of normality didn't help, but going through the paces seemed the only sensible thing to do. Something like 5 honest kids came and only took a small portion of the candy.

So the bowl with about 200 remaining Tootsie Rolls went in the computer room. I'd see it every day when I'd get on my computer but I had the will power to NOT eat the Tootsie Rolls for about 6 months!!!

One day, the Power of the Roll was overpowering and I broke down. I grabbed for a Tootsie Roll and all I got was a wrapper. No roll. I grabbed again. I got a hand full of wrappers. No rolls. That's when I noticed the teeny-weeny mouse teeth marks on the paper. AAAAAAAAARGGGGGGHHHH!! Little bastard(s) ate every one of my damn Tootsie Rolls and left the wrappers! And mouse turds. Grrrrrrrrrr.

That pissed me off. So I bought a BUNCH of traps and set them all over the room.

Two weeks later, the tally was 22 mice! I'd caught nearly TWO DOZEN of them and hadn't SEEN any of them prior to catching them. I'd been supplying the entire damn mouse neighborhood with treats! And they'd been returning the favor with turds.

I discovered my problem later. A dryer vent that was wide open to the outside. After I sealed that - no more mice.

Typically, I'd feel REAL bad about taking any creature's life, but in this case ... they ate my WHOLE damn bowl of Tootsie Rolls - DIE suckers , DIE!

Got the "Slows"? - Meth of the 50's

Also the reason my teeth are falling out and I jump 3 feet when someone closes a door too loudly.

N-E-S-T-L-E-S, Nestles makes the very best Buzzzzzzzzzzzzz!

8th out of 9 lives

Years ago, my wife and I pulled into a doctor's parking lot on a cold, snowy day. We were cutting it pretty close to appointment time, but we made it with seconds to spare. As we were getting out of the van to go into the office, I heard a cow moo-ing. Considering we were downtown, at a doctor's office, moo-ing was NOT a sound one would expect to hear. So I assumed I was hearing things (again) and walked on but heard it again and this time, my wife heard it too - a low, guttural MOOOOOOOOOOO. And the cow was apparently in the engine compartment of our van ... I didn't REMEMBER leaving a cow under the hood.

It was pretty scary opening the hood - I mean, what the hell was I going to find under there? Something from the Exorcist? With one hellacious adrenalin rush, I FLUNG the hood open ... and there was one of our cats. Moooooooo!

He had a death grip on the battery and was in pretty sorry shape. He was moo-ing like a cow. He was covered in engine grease and I could see immediately that his tail had apparently been whacked off by the engine fan, but he wasn't bleeding too badly. His little paws however, had been burned from the residual battery acid. We hadn't realized it but the poor little fellow had been sleeping in the engine compartment and didn't get out in time when we drove off. He hung on the whole way to the doctor's office.

His paws healed, but he had a stump for a tail for the rest of his life.

8 down, 1 to go, Stumpy.