Friday, December 19, 2008

Satan Speaks

We'd gone to our favorite campground alongside a small river in Indiana. Just my wife and I and a couple of friends. One of our buddies couldn't make it but he sent along a "special" firework he'd purchased from a fellow. The only thing he told us was to be careful and that it wasn't the type of fireworks that was on the normal menu. This one came from under the counter.

Oh, goodie. I'm not real keen on fireworks anyway.

I don't remember, but I don't think it was the 4th of July, as a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure it wasn't because we didn't go to jail. We didn't go to jail because the campground wasn't crowded, so there were no witnesses. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

This particular firework, other than looking like a giant roman candle didn't look particularly nasty. Just BIG. It didn't even have the obligatory, "LIGHT AND GET AWAY." printed on it. The skull and cross bones might have been an indication of trouble though.

As the crickets cricketted and the river riverred, we nestled into our lawn chairs awaiting the short show. One of our extremely brave (or stupid, depending on how you look at it) friends volunteered to run off into the field and plant the firework with a super long length of model rocket fuse. He planted it about 100 yards away, thank God, lit it and dashed back. Arriving back, out of breath, he barely had time to settle in before off in the distance it POOFED into the sky like a pleasant little fairy's tail. Then ...

Satan spoke - BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!

and he spoke LOUDLY! It blew me backward out of my chair. OH MY GOD!!! This was the loudest thing I have ever heard. And I used to live on an Air Force Base at the edge of the runway --- I've seen Grandfunk Railroad in concert! This was a roman candle with a SERIOUS ATTITUDE!

We all scattered like bugs. I'm not sure what we did next. I don't remember for sure. I think we dumped the cooler on the fire. I KNOW we dove in our tents and hid. If there were Rangers anywhere in the tri-state region, they would have heard THAT. A deaf guy with his ears sewed shut would have heard THAT.

And Satan spoke again - BOOOOOMMMM!!!!!!

Oh, my GOD - it's got multiple shells!!!!

We shivered in the tent.

And again - BOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!

Make it stop, LORD, make the bad thing go away!!!!!!


Like 6 or 7 times, the Devil barked at us before he was silent.


The Rangers DID come by. We could see their flashlights shining on the sides of our tents. We pretended we were asleep or dead. I'm pretty sure they didn't hear anything in the tents because we'd stopped breathing. It worked. They left. Off to find the idiots that tried to blow up Indiana.

Thank you, God. Thank you for making the Devil go away.

Monday, December 15, 2008

Screw the Oil Companies

You're right, Mandy. Tada.