Another bad-old-days-drinking-story. Seriously - don't try this at home. Not only is it EXTREMELY dangerous. It's also just plain stupid. I know. I'm stupid.
My 20' x 20', roofed, screened-in porch was in horrible shape. So was I. I was pretty well lit and decided the porch needed to come down. I'm not a carpenter, so I didn't know the proper way to go about removing a porch. But I figured a sledge hammer would do the trick.
There were only two large corner posts holding up the structure. So it didn't seem like a big deal. A half case of beer and a good deal of "studying" the structure and I was ready.
Sledge hammer time ... WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! The first post fell to the ground and the porch moaned, but still stood.
The remaining half case of beer.
Over to the remaining post. This one was now supporting the entire structure. WHAM! WHAM! WHAM! ... KABOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!! SPLINTER! RIPPPP! TEARRR!! GRINNDDD!!!! CRUNCHHHH!!! BOOOOMMMMMM!!! The remaining post flew out and the entire roof collapsed in a cloud of dust. Somehow it missed me.
I stood there, sledge hammer in hand, muscles glistening in the sun. A man. A drunken man. A stupid drunken man.
What I HADN'T planned on however, was that the ROOF of the porch was ATTACHED to the side of my house and when it all came down it ripped gigantic, ragged holes in the my home. Holes through which you could see the inner walls.
Didn't know how to fix that.
But I got the sucker down.
What a man.
In retrospect, I probably SHOULD have sawed it loose from the house FIRST ... but then it probably would have just fallen onto my neighbor's house which wouldn't have been such a good thing considering he was the Mayor.
Look, idiots. We've got enough trouble here in our own country. You start holding our ships and personnel hostage half way around the world in international water ... well, it pisses us off. We're not in a very good mood right now. So if you don't want a size-354 boot called the US NAVY planted up your thievin' asses, back the hell off and let the guy go. And stop it. Go home and carve giraffes or something. Leave us the fuck alone. Otherwise, been nice talking to you. BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!
Remember when playing a slot machine was FUN because it actually like gave you REAL MONEY instead of a stupid, anticlimactic, paper ticket?
Let me set the stage: last night of a cruise ... something like 4:30 am, playing a quarter machine - BOOM, finally, hit a $100 payoff. In quarters: KA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA...
Next morning in Port of Miami. Leave the boat and go to the airport. I've got 400 quarters in my pockets. 200 in one pants pocket. 200 in the other.
No TSA back then, but gate security asks me if I have anything metal on me. Heh, heh, heh ... "Yeah, got a bucket?" Airport security wasn't stellar back then, as long as you had the safety ON, you could take your bazooka on board. They also didn't have buckets and bins back then so the security agent just holds out his hands to keep his line moving along. I start dumping quarters in his hands. They're like falling on the ground and REALLY tying up his lane now. It was absurd. I looked like a hamster regurgitating silver. What a tough problem to have, right?
They probably thought I was a drug smuggler coming back with laundered cash - 400 quarters at a time. I'm a VERY patient, tedious smuggler.
It's a losing proposition, But one you can't refuse. It's the politics of contraband, It's the smuggler's blues, Smuggler's blues.
I'm an artist, so a bit off-center. My latest hobby is one from my childhood: model airplanes. But as boys get bigger, so do their toys, these are radio controlled. Some are smaller, some are are pretty darn big. But there are REALLY big ones available - I want those, of course. If you're ever looking for me, I'm either downstairs rebuilding planes or out at some field flying (or wrecking) them.
I've been plagued since birth by an imaginary villain I refer to as the Crazee Magnet. These are the chronicles of the Crazee Magnet and a look inside my extremely screwed-up way of looking at life.
These are always in a constant state of repair/disrepair. So there are only two or three flying at any one time.
E-flite Carbon-Z Yak 54
My absolute favorite plane to fly.
Great Planes Reactor Bipe .61
Been building this for a year. Saito 125 with Pitts smoke muffler. Should be sweet. Long, chunky biplane 58 inches long, 48 inch wingspan.
E-flite Pitts Model 12 15e
Gorgeous plane. First "real" plane I ever bought.
Hangar 9 P-51 PTS
This is a BEAUTIFUL, easy to fly plane. Wingspan is just shy of 5 feet so it has a real prescence on the field. My favorite nitro plane.
Great Planes Shoestring
Throwback to the older days of racers. GORGEOUS, foam with sheeting wings and fiberglass fuselage. Got an electric motor in it (Skorpion) big enough to power my KIA! Not ready to fly this one yet. Taking my time on the build.
Great Planes Combat Corsair
Still under construction.
Hangar 9 Twist
Old trim scheme - MUCH better than the new one below. I have both though.
Hangar 9 Twist
New trim scheme. Boring.
E-flite F-15 Eagle
My first jet. Under construction. Retractable landing gear are WAY COOL, but are driving me nuts trying to set them up! Twin EDF motors scare our dogs. Scare me too!
If I ever get this plane finished and can learn to keep the plane above ground, I'll be flying this one as a pylon racer. Will have Thunder Tiger Pro .40 up front.
E-flite P-40 Warkhawk
This tiny plane is a BLAST! With only a 25" wing span and 21" in length, I can fly it across the street at the park. It's fun doing imaginary strafing runs on trash cans and other such targets of evil.
Under construction. Will have OS 55 up front.
Parkzone P-51, modified
Awesome foamie! I've replaced the motor with a Power 10, 40 amp esc and 2200mAh 3s. It moves.
Parkzone F4U Corsair
Constantly flying and breaking this beautiful foam bird.
Parkzone T28 480 size and UMX
Have both of these. I did most of my newbie training on the larger one. EASY plane to fly.
Great Planes Extra 330SC
SUPER FUN to fly!!! Unfortunately, I flew it into the ground. It not fly no mo.
Electrifly Yak 54
Flew great until the manufacturer's crappy clevises failed. Boom. It's a mess.
Parkzone Edge 300
Ooops. This one hit a goal post. The goal post didn't move. The plane did. In about 6 different directions. Gone, probably won't be replaced. Pretty squirrelly plane to fly.