Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Smuggler's Blues

Remember when playing a slot machine was FUN because it actually like gave you REAL MONEY instead of a stupid, anticlimactic, paper ticket?

Let me set the stage: last night of a cruise ... something like 4:30 am, playing a quarter machine - BOOM, finally, hit a $100 payoff. In quarters: KA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA-DINKA...

Next morning in Port of Miami. Leave the boat and go to the airport. I've got 400 quarters in my pockets. 200 in one pants pocket. 200 in the other.

No TSA back then, but gate security asks me if I have anything metal on me. Heh, heh, heh ... "Yeah, got a bucket?" Airport security wasn't stellar back then, as long as you had the safety ON, you could take your bazooka on board. They also didn't have buckets and bins back then so the security agent just holds out his hands to keep his line moving along. I start dumping quarters in his hands. They're like falling on the ground and REALLY tying up his lane now. It was absurd. I looked like a hamster regurgitating silver. What a tough problem to have, right?

They probably thought I was a drug smuggler coming back with laundered cash - 400 quarters at a time. I'm a VERY patient, tedious smuggler.

It's a losing proposition,
But one you can't refuse.
It's the politics of contraband,
It's the smuggler's blues,
Smuggler's blues.