Thursday, April 2, 2009

How to pay $50 for 2 FREE drinks

My wife and I had an informal wedding. We rented a train station. True. And we both wore white suits. Well, off-white. It was a second marriage for both of us - no need for hoopla - we were spending what money we had on our honeymoon in New Orleans.

On the flight down, we wore our suits. We were so cute. Sitting in the back of the plane. Two love-birds in our snazzy little outfits. We had to fly to Birmingham first, so it was only something like a 45 minute flight for the first leg. The flight attendant asked if anything special was going on (the flowers and white suits were kind of a tip-off). We giggled and told her it was our honeymoon. She made special plans for us - a FREE drink, compliments of the airlines! The people around us were PISSED. There wasn't enough time to serve drinks of any kind to anyone else, but the grinning ninnies in the white suits got refreshments. Wasn't that sweet?

I don't recall what my wife ordered, but I DO remember what I got - red wine. There's a reason I remember what I got. The plane suddenly hit a BIG, DEEP pocket of turbulence and our drinks shot straight up out of the glasses. It happened in slow motion in my mind. I watched the dark red column rise from the plastic cup, the burgundy shaft of fluid glistening in the sunlight ... it rose until it SLAMMED into the overhead console at which point it exploded ALL OVER our white suits. KERSHPLATT!!!

The people that didn't get drinks did their best to keep straight faces, but I could tell, they were laughing their asses off inside. Bastards.

Ever tried to get anything dry-cleaned while staying in a nice hotel? It can be done. But it takes a small-car-sized loan to do so, about $25 per suit as I recall. And this was over 20 years ago.

So much for FREE drinks.