Sunday, March 29, 2009

The Great Sock Conspiracy

Everybody loses socks. It's just one of those mysteries of life. Somewhere, there's a planet on which you'll find single socks with no mates. But my wife recently discovered a bizarre sock conspiracy within our own home. Let me explain, if I can.

I found a dirty, dog and cat hair-encrusted sock of mine laying on the kitchen counter yesterday - YUCK!!!! It was disgusting so I threw it over the pet gate back into the living room to deal with later (we keep our pugs in the kitchen so they can't destroy the REST of the house - just the kitchen). Little did I know I was starting the "cycle" all over again. What cycle? I didn't know there was a cycle. My wife brought it to my attention tonight:

She had found the nasty sock in the kitchen several days ago and tossed it over the rail too. But the next day, it mysteriously reappeared as the center of the pug's attention. So she tossed it over the rail again. How in the hell do the pugs keep getting that sock?

The next day, she caught our smallest cat, Smokie, stealing the sock from under the coffee table, standing up at the pet gate and flipping it over the rail to the pugs like a Sea World trainer tosses a sea lion a fish! The pugs, of course, played tug of war with it, drug it through their food and committed general mayhem with it before Sue took it away and put in on the kitchen counter to put a stop to it. Then I FOUND it, tossed it BACK OVER the rail and started the WHOLE damned thing ALL OVER AGAIN.

Mystery solved. I wonder if the little bastard stole my leprechaun socks. I can't find either one of them.

Now you see why this site is called Crazee Magnet. Some houses attract ghosts. Ours' attracts insanity.

And if you're asking, "Why don't you just put the sock in the laundry?" My answers would be:
1. My foot and THAT sock shall never meet again.
2. "Why? This is TOO DAMN MUCH FUN!"