Tuesday, April 21, 2009

How to move your freezer without hardly trying

NOTICE: DO NOT ATTEMPT THIS AT HOME. JUST BECAUSE I DID IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD. IT'S STUPID. REALLY. Having said that, THIS is how I did it:

1. Take off your shoes and socks.
2. Go in your basement and face your clothes dryer (which is across the basement, directly opposite the freezer you wish to move, about 12 feet away).
3. Be sure your bare feet are touching the bare concrete floor.
4. Be sure the clothes dryer is plugged into it's 220-volt electrical socket and that it's crackling with energy like a scene from Frankenstein, BOO-HAH-HAH-HAH-HAAAHHHH!
5. Bend your knees and carefully stretch both arms around the 220-volt electric clothes dryer like you're going to move it - like it's your bestest buddy and you're giving it a big buddy-hug.
6. Accidentally touch the 220-volt connection behind the dryer with your hand while standing barefoot on the concrete.
7. You will likely not notice the truck that hit you as you are instantaneously BLOWN 12 feet backwards, across the room and slammed against the freezer you wished to move in the first place.
8. Moments later, after you regain consciousness, you will notice a distinct odor - THAT is the smell of burned body hair. YOUR body hair. PROBABLY even your nose hairs.
9. You will also notice that the freezer has been moved back 3 feet from its original position. Unfortunately, though, it now has a body-shaped impression in the front of it. YOUR body-shape.

BUT!!! - - - You've achieved your goal of moving your freezer without hardly trying. Congratulations. Stupid.

1 comments:

Charmed said...

OMG! I am so sorry that I am laughing so hard that my side hurts.

Are you OK????

Well, I guess you are if you had enough wits about you to type this blog post....