Saturday, May 30, 2009

Cheese Cow says ...

When I was a kid, it was s STRICT rule, if you eat food, you can't go in the pool for 30 minutes or YOU'LL DIE!

I'm not a big pool-hanger-arounder, as a matter of fact, I despise pools because of a childhood trauma - I was a skinny little fart - no body fat at all. Heated pools simply didn't exist back then. My mother insisted that my brother and I take swimming lessons. Not a bad idea, but we lived all over the world, and not once did we live in a warm, tropical paradise. So getting in the pool sucked. I'd turn blue and through chattering teeth, plead with my Mom, "I'm-m-m g-g-g-going t-t-to d-d-d-d-d-d-die. D-d-d-d-don't m-m-make m-m-m-me d-d-do this M-M-M-Mom! Chatter, chatter chatter." And then I'd sink to the bottom.

You know the old life-saving trick, "If you just relax, you'll float." Bullshit. I purposely tried it many times and sank faster than the Titanic. Bones and skin DO NOT FLOAT. I'd bob like a cork now - fat DOES float.

When I "swim" ... well, picture a chihuahua loaded up on amphetamines trying to swim the length of a pool. There you go - that's me swimming. My ass stays in a boat or on shore. Period.

Back to the subject, the 30 minute rule, where the hell did that go? I've never heard it again since my childhood. Have snacks changed? Mothers know which anti-drowning snacks to purchase for the pool? "Johnny, you know you shouldn't be eating potato chips when you go swimming - have a Cheetos instead - it's drown proof."

Just curious.

In Quest of the $117 Hot Dog

My wife and I are going to San Francisco in August for our anniversary, but I was 2 points short of a free ticket with Southwest. So....

7:00 am - I flew to Chicago to get a hot dog in the Midway Airport.


7:23 am - The OJ was good, but vodka in it would have been better.

7:28 am - I got a shot of the AstroDome. The pilot must have gotten lost.

8:10 am - One of the most beautiful cities in the world and this is what I saw of it...plane asses.

8:47 - The locals weren't very friendly at first...

9:08 am - But they loosened up after a couple shots of tequila. Those boys have a problem - doing shots at 9 am.

9:17 am - The Air Force must have mistaken me for a Japanese person as they tried to attack me. Though I NEVER know what day it is at any given time, I'm pretty sure it wasn't December 7th.

9:54 am - The streets in Chicago are narrow. But you don't have to walk - they walk for you.

10:02 am - AT LAST!!! The $117 HOT DOG!!! ($107 for airfare + $10 for the hot dog). I didn't eat the jalapenos - it smells bad enough cooped up on an airplane.

10:45 am - Swallowed the hot dog and jumped back on a Louisville-bound plane.

11:07 am - Contemplating the idiocy of my actions - flying to Chicago for a Hot Dog and 2 points ... who does that? Moments after this shot, I spilled my Dr. Pepper in the leather seat next to me and all over my crotch. Now I look like I've pissed myself. And the flight attendant is NOT happy.

11:45 am - Home again. Mayor Jerry even welcomed me home. That was special. Everybody is staring at my wet crotch.

The cost of the hot dog just went up to $129 - I forgot about parking.

But I GOT the 2 POINTS!!!

This means WAR HHJH!

In retaliation for Chocolate Rain - try getting this one out of your head.

Saturday, May 23, 2009

Tisk, Tisk, Tisk. Caught you.

In response to: HotHotJapanHot on Holiday

Friday, May 22, 2009

Jesco, the Dancing Outlaw talks about eggs

I saw a documentary on Jesco White, The Dancing Outlaw years ago. It was funny at the time. There might have been some drinking involved though.

Cheese Cow's night job

Cheese Cow says ...

Disoriented Cow Disease

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Vintage Wrestling Footage of YESH

Yesh is the little one with the pigtails. Mean little cuss.

Nobody - NOBODY can tell me that wrestling isn't real. Look at the body slam Yesh puts on that Sumo guy. Restling Rocks!

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Challenge - shoot a decent photo with an iPhone


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Demonic Burgers Found at Local Eatery

Sue and I BOTH saw them, two demonic faces staring back at us from one of my Roadies. Don't get me wrong, Logan's Roadhouse is one of our favorite spots and I ALWAYS get Roadies. Today, I only ate two of the three though. This one was photographed and left untouched. I considered bringing it home and selling it on eBay, but decided NOT to tempt the Prince of Darkness.*

I saw the face in the middle first. He kind of looks like a cartoon version of Richard Nixon. Sue saw it too and then pointed out the one on the left, the one laying down. That one's even scarier and more realistic looking than the other one.

I'll be dropping by the drugstore tonight for Exorcist pills - they could have gotten into my chips too. You never know.

(*Joking aside, I was full, don't boycott Logan's, their food is GOOD!)

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Albums I Wish I'd Never Lost

OK, I'll tell the truth - I still have Pat Boone's "In a Metal Mood" - his rendition of Stairway to Heaven is the BEST! He also kicks butt on "Smells Like Teen Spirit".

And as clarification, our pugs are not gay. They just like to hump each other.

The Non-Flying Nuns

PhotoShop fun, the images were crying out to me to be merged.

My Hero

As anyone that knows me will tell you, I love Twinkies. I know, it's whipped pig fat and there are ingredients in them that are components of rocket fuel. But some of you smoke and drink alcohol, so speak not lest yee remove the beam from thine own eye - or something like that. Can't a guy eat a case of Twinkies in peace? ... my chest hurts ... urp

I thought MY tux was bad



This site was FUN!: www.tackyweddings.com

The photo is by Stacy Reeves - I checked out her site, GORGEOUS wedding photography: www.stacyreeves.com

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

iPhone ROCKS!!!

I've always wanted to say this ...

This message was left using my iPhone. (Woo-Woo!)