Saturday, May 30, 2009

Cheese Cow says ...

When I was a kid, it was s STRICT rule, if you eat food, you can't go in the pool for 30 minutes or YOU'LL DIE!

I'm not a big pool-hanger-arounder, as a matter of fact, I despise pools because of a childhood trauma - I was a skinny little fart - no body fat at all. Heated pools simply didn't exist back then. My mother insisted that my brother and I take swimming lessons. Not a bad idea, but we lived all over the world, and not once did we live in a warm, tropical paradise. So getting in the pool sucked. I'd turn blue and through chattering teeth, plead with my Mom, "I'm-m-m g-g-g-going t-t-to d-d-d-d-d-d-die. D-d-d-d-don't m-m-make m-m-m-me d-d-do this M-M-M-Mom! Chatter, chatter chatter." And then I'd sink to the bottom.

You know the old life-saving trick, "If you just relax, you'll float." Bullshit. I purposely tried it many times and sank faster than the Titanic. Bones and skin DO NOT FLOAT. I'd bob like a cork now - fat DOES float.

When I "swim" ... well, picture a chihuahua loaded up on amphetamines trying to swim the length of a pool. There you go - that's me swimming. My ass stays in a boat or on shore. Period.

Back to the subject, the 30 minute rule, where the hell did that go? I've never heard it again since my childhood. Have snacks changed? Mothers know which anti-drowning snacks to purchase for the pool? "Johnny, you know you shouldn't be eating potato chips when you go swimming - have a Cheetos instead - it's drown proof."

Just curious.


Charmed said...

Our mothers had LOTS of rules that are not used these days. I could fill an entire blog with rules that my mom had for me and my brothers. We were the most overprotected children in our county during the 70's.

I know what you mean about the swimming. I took swimming lessons with my brother when we were little. I never liked the get my head under the water or water in my ears. So, even today, my swimming method is kinda like a dog paddle but with my body stretched out and my head out of the water. It really isn't a pretty site.