Tuesday, March 17, 2009

How to piss off your wife. And your sponsor. And your sponsor's wife. And just about everyone else you know.

1. Wake up at 1:00 am feeling like someone's stabbing you in the gut with an icepick. OW! OW! OW!
2. Sneak off and drive yourself to the Emergency Room so as not to disturb your slumbering sweetheart. And while you're at it, don't call anyone else either.
3. Call your slumbering sweetheart at 5:30 am, after being diagnosed with acute appendicitis, surprising her that you're NOT in the bedroom, that, unbeknownst to her, you're being wheeled off to surgery and inform her that you want your organs to be donated to science in the event you die.

This is a GREAT way for your wife to start the day and is pretty much guaranteed to tick her off. She will then call your sponsor to rat on you. Who will then tell his wife. And after you recover from surgery, your wife WILL kick your ass. Then the sponsor and his wife will kick what's left of it. Then your other family and friends, who you didn't call for help either, will pick up the remaining pieces of your ass and kick them too.

I deserved it. Really. I learned my lesson. I just didn't want to impose. The next time I get a hangnail at midnight, you're ALL getting a call. Except you, Dear. I'll let you sleep. Heh, heh, heh...