Why I don't go to movie theaters

Three reasons:

1. My wife and I have built a home theater system with full, window-shattering surround sound, bluray, and a 50" 1080p monitor. Suck THAT, Mr. Cinema! We can BUY two films for the price of seeing ONE in the cinema. And we can stop the film to take a piss, thank you very much.

2. When we go to a theater, we ALWAYS, without fail, get the most obnoxious people sitting behind us that kick our seats, and TALK through the whole damn film!!!

3. True story: up until yesterday, the last time I was in a theater was to see "Hunt for Red October". And this is why: the film, Hunt for Red October BREAKS with about 2 minutes left to go and rather than fix it, the theater just turned on the house lights and everybody got up and left ... WTF!!! I'm not going ANYWHERE until I see the end of the friggin' movie or I get my money back! So I hunt down the manager. I express my concern and demand - HIS solution? - he says, and I quote, "Oh there was only two minutes left, you didn't miss anything important" and he proceeds to tell us what happens in the missing two minutes!! SHUT UPPPP! I seriously doubt the director of the film intended that the closing scene be delivered by some polyester-wearing punk being paid five bucks an hour! Idiot.

After I ranted and raved for 5 minutes, he finally agreed to give us our money back AND a free pass for a future film. Like I said, I didn't go back to any theater again until yesterday. Showed them, huh?