Monday, December 8, 2008

Christmas Confession

(yes, that's me, age 9 - on with the confession:)

My dearest wife:

It is with true regret that I show you this photo. Yes, I was with another girl many years ago. We shared a kiss, but it was only a one night affair. Actually, she was voted the Christmas Queen and I was the Court Geek. Or something like that. We were forced to kiss by the crowd. True. That’s the only way in hell you’d get me to kiss a member of the opposite sex back then. Acccht-phhhffffft!

What you can’t see, is the piss in my pants. The camera flash and the polyester probably interacted to render the stain invisible. Thank you, Lord.

Please, please, please understand she meant nothing to me.

It was just a one night stand.

At least I still have the plaid coat and ascot. I’ll wear it the next time I take you to Denny’s. Deal?

Please forgive me.


PS. To the girl in the picture. Whoever you are, wherever you are, I’m TRULY sorry you had to be seen standing next to me in THIS photo. I hope the slide rule in my shirt pocket didn’t poke you too badly.