Monday, September 28, 2009

Well THAT was interesting

Spent the entire day/night in the University of Louisville Hospital Emergency Room for a family matter.

As I understand it, the UofL ER is a "level one" facility. What does that mean? I found out. It means they can turn no one away. And for some reason, it is considered a "Stroke Center" which is the family business that brought us there. First let me say my Dad is fine ... I simply MUST write about what I saw though.

First, we have the KGB doctor. 6' 3", long white lab coat, never smiled, never worked on a single patient or looked at a file - he just strolled around staring at people. For 8 hours. I kept expecting him to come over and bark, "You vill show me yoor papers und you vill show zem to me NOW!" My Dad and I eventually figured his specialty must be leprosy and it just wasn't a hot night for lepers.

Next we have the singing drunk. They wheeled him by on a gurney and he was singin' a love song at the top of his lungs. If this guy sounded that good laying down and drunk, I can only imagine him singing upright and sober. Look out American Idol (just hide the MD2020).

Another of his brethren, claimed to have a broken neck from being hit by a car though he was jumping up and down off the stretcher just fine - HE started hooting like an owl later from a distant room. Eerie.

I heard a cow mooing. Pretty sure there were no bovines on the floor.

Then there's the fellow that came in around midnight that was so plastered he actually tried to seduce the rather attractive female police officer that had handcuffed him to the gurney. Sounds kinky? No, he was blowing his nose in his sheets and fake barfing in a bag for attention. It didn't work.

Around 1 am, my father was sleeping so I tried to catch a few winks. The cows were softly mooing, and old man owl was hooting just at the edge of the holler just as I dozed off ... only to be awakened by another nurse at 1:45, "It's time to go. Simply click your heels together 3 times and follow the yellow brick road."



3beersmoreoften said...

Hey, it could have been Dr. Goebels in the white coat. On the upside, he might have seen you sooner. I don't have to tell you the downside.