It would be helpful at this juncture if you would start humming something like Frosty the Snowman to yourself as you read this... OK... doing it?... go:
1. Arrange all your materials before you begin. You will need: - Wrapping paper (no, wax paper is NOT a substitute, though aluminum foil DOES have a festive feel if you find yourself in a last-minute pinch) - transparent tape (duct tape is NOT a good substitute, nor is chewing gum) - scissors - a prefab bow (you don't EVEN want to try to make one of these suckers on your own) - box for the present - and the present, of course
2. Have a shot of bourbon. It will help set the holiday mood.
3. Roll out the paper and set the box on the paper. What? The paper keeps rolling up on itself? Have another shot of bourbon. This won't help keep the paper flat, but it will calm your nerves. Really, this is a simple task.
4. Set the box on the edge of the paper and as you roll out the paper, simply slide the box down the length of the paper. Voila!
5. Where the hell are the scissors? Did you look under the paper? There they are.
6. Cut the paper as straight as you possibly can.
7. OK, now fold the paper up until both sides overlap. What? The edges of the paper don't meet let alone overlap? Oh, crap you cut it too short! Have another shot of bourbon.
8. Repeat steps 4 through 7, but this time, roll out enough paper to wrap a Toyota.
9. OK! So now the paper overlaps. The next part is simple. But you should probably have a shot of bourbon to prepare yourself. Follow closely now, it's pretty easy: Crease the edge of the paper along the edge of the box, but fold the edge at exactly a 45 degree angle and then fold that edge at a 90 degree tangent to the perpendicular edge of the edge upon which you're working. Tape down that edge to the box. Now repeat that with the edge that is 180 degrees opposite of the edge you've just completed. When done with those two folds, if you've calculated your 45 degree angles precisely, there will result an equilateral triangle at the base of the side on which you are working. Simply fold that flap up 90 degrees and secure it with tape. You've just completed one side.
10. Have another shot. YEEHAA!
11. Look at the other side of the box, yes you get to do that side too. Repeat step 9.
12. Sure, do step 10 again too. YEEHAA!
13. Almost done! Try to remove the sticky paper from the back of the bow. Can't do it can you? Go get the sharpest knife in your kitchen. Try to insert the knife between the sticky stuff and the paper backing. Oops, now you've cut yourself. Have another bourbon as you bleed on the bow. And the package.
14. Stick the damn bow on the package, blood and all.
15. There the damn thing's all done.
16. Look over on the coffee table and notice that the present is NOT inside the box your just wrapped.
17. Finish the bottle of bourbon, wrapping the present in aluminum foil. It IS festive.
I'm an artist, so a bit off-center. My latest hobby is one from my childhood: model airplanes. But as boys get bigger, so do their toys, these are radio controlled. Some are smaller, some are are pretty darn big. But there are REALLY big ones available - I want those, of course. If you're ever looking for me, I'm either downstairs rebuilding planes or out at some field flying (or wrecking) them.
I've been plagued since birth by an imaginary villain I refer to as the Crazee Magnet. These are the chronicles of the Crazee Magnet and a look inside my extremely screwed-up way of looking at life.
These are always in a constant state of repair/disrepair. So there are only two or three flying at any one time.
E-flite Carbon-Z Yak 54
My absolute favorite plane to fly.
Great Planes Reactor Bipe .61
Been building this for a year. Saito 125 with Pitts smoke muffler. Should be sweet. Long, chunky biplane 58 inches long, 48 inch wingspan.
E-flite Pitts Model 12 15e
Gorgeous plane. First "real" plane I ever bought.
Hangar 9 P-51 PTS
This is a BEAUTIFUL, easy to fly plane. Wingspan is just shy of 5 feet so it has a real prescence on the field. My favorite nitro plane.
Great Planes Shoestring
Throwback to the older days of racers. GORGEOUS, foam with sheeting wings and fiberglass fuselage. Got an electric motor in it (Skorpion) big enough to power my KIA! Not ready to fly this one yet. Taking my time on the build.
Great Planes Combat Corsair
Still under construction.
Hangar 9 Twist
Old trim scheme - MUCH better than the new one below. I have both though.
Hangar 9 Twist
New trim scheme. Boring.
E-flite F-15 Eagle
My first jet. Under construction. Retractable landing gear are WAY COOL, but are driving me nuts trying to set them up! Twin EDF motors scare our dogs. Scare me too!
If I ever get this plane finished and can learn to keep the plane above ground, I'll be flying this one as a pylon racer. Will have Thunder Tiger Pro .40 up front.
E-flite P-40 Warkhawk
This tiny plane is a BLAST! With only a 25" wing span and 21" in length, I can fly it across the street at the park. It's fun doing imaginary strafing runs on trash cans and other such targets of evil.
Under construction. Will have OS 55 up front.
Parkzone P-51, modified
Awesome foamie! I've replaced the motor with a Power 10, 40 amp esc and 2200mAh 3s. It moves.
Parkzone F4U Corsair
Constantly flying and breaking this beautiful foam bird.
Parkzone T28 480 size and UMX
Have both of these. I did most of my newbie training on the larger one. EASY plane to fly.
Great Planes Extra 330SC
SUPER FUN to fly!!! Unfortunately, I flew it into the ground. It not fly no mo.
Electrifly Yak 54
Flew great until the manufacturer's crappy clevises failed. Boom. It's a mess.
Parkzone Edge 300
Ooops. This one hit a goal post. The goal post didn't move. The plane did. In about 6 different directions. Gone, probably won't be replaced. Pretty squirrelly plane to fly.