See if this makes sense ...

So a famous cyclist has openly admitted that he lied about doping, destroyed fellow competitor's careers because of that, and gave cycling a bad name Using the current mindset of many Americans, Government should now ban law-abiding riders from owning bicycles.

Easily Amused Squirrels

Snuck out for a frozen flight last week. I was flying my foamie Parkzone P-51 RC (lightweight foam warbird) so just went across the street to a school football field. Everything was going fine, the grass and squirrels were appropriately frightened by the Ace of Indiana's awesome flying skills. Fingers were freezing. During a really low pass (6 foot off the deck), crisp, azure blue sky, setting sun glinting off the silver wings, I banked up, left and out to clear the football club house ... the CONCRETE football club house ... more like a bomb shelter ... BAM! CRUNCH! Tinkle. Plop ... Oops - cut it a little close. P-51 confetti! The squirrels were laughing. The concrete building looked unimpressed, but, I'd swear it smirked. I think the grass even chuckled. I picked up the shards that only moments ago had been a noble fighting machine and slunk back to my car. I shall return again, squirrels. I shall return.

Update to story: fixed the P-51. Week later. Same field, same conditions. Didn't hit the building this time but DID hit the wire running from a pole TO the building - imagine a 2" braided steel cable and a 24 oz. foam airplane traveling at 50-60 mph - sliced the Mustang into 5 pieces - ZINGGGG, plop, plop, plop, plop, plop. The squirrels fell out of the trees laughing.

Damn.

Perfect Landing. Sort of.

Flying the Pitts. Beautiful day. Great flight. No wind. Lined up on the runway. Cut throttle. It floated down. Just before touchdown, slight up elevator. Oh crap! I wasn't over the runway. I was over the grass. The plane stopped dead. Broke the entire front end off the plane. So much for a perfect landing.

oops.

2 nights ago I lost the battery hatch cover on my Pitts RC plane while flying at a friend's farm. I zig-zagged the farm fields, on foot for over an hour, looking for it. No luck.

LAST night, I looked at the field closer - it was planted - teensy-weensy green shoots ... I had tromped all over them the night before ... oops. The aliens might think I was sending them a message through a really poorly executed crop circle. More of a crop zig-zag. I hope I said something nice, something that would promote good will between our species like, "Hi there. Like Twinkies?"

Maiden Flight

Finally got the guts/experience to maiden this Pitts Model 12 15e RC plane this evening. 40" wing span. The setting sun reflecting off the glossy wings was a near spiritual moment. Four take-offs, four good landings - progress! Unfortunately I lost the battery hatch in flight and didn't see it fall off. So I zig-zagged the entire farm where I was flying trying to find it. No luck. I was afraid of rattlers - dusk, hot day, cooling off, prime snake time - a rabbit scared the crap put of me! No battery hatch though. Will have to fabricate one.

Father Nature

I have a tendancy to attract ice storms, hurricanes, tornadoes and such when I travel .. got chased out of San Antonio by Rita; been hit by TWO hurricanes in Florida in ONE week ...

On a trip now in Detroit - the weather is 80 degrees - it's March - they'll probably get nailed by an ice storm after I leave. Sorry, Detroit.

Last night, my coworker, Mandy described me as being like, "Father Nature. But in a bad way."

I'm not sure whether to be proud of that or appalled.

B-B-B-Butt Drugs

Haven't posted in a long time. This commercial called me to action. The best line is at :58.

Definition of Insanity?

Flying a model airplane in sub-zero temperatures.

Howdy Pardner

Eh-hem … jus' practicin' my honorary Texan skills for next week (el Paso). As a test run, Sue, my wife (a true Texan) and I (a true dumbass), had smoked beef brisket sandwiches last night. I bought the sissy-whole-wheat buns. A true Texan scoffs at whole wheat, "Now why'd ya' wanna' go n' mess up a perfectly good bun with WHOLE wheat? … You sayin' MY wheat's missin' somethin', Boy?!"

I was also taught the way of improvin' store-bought potato salad - adding boiled eggs … who'da known to do that?

And whiskey beans. We had beans with bourbon and brown sugar. I liked the beans (especially the bourbon flavor part)!

And to top off last night's meal? Texas sheet cake, of course. The only cake on the planet that gets better and better the longer it sits. Texas sheet cake is in its prime after about three days. That's why they're so damn big, so there's plenty left after 3 days. Betcha didn't know that, huh?

Lead us not into temptation

When I was a kid saying the Lord’s Prayer, I THOUGHT they were saying, “Lead us not into temptation...but deliver us from Boll Weevils...” considering what Boll Weevils look like, it wasn’t an unreasonable request for a kid ... and it WORKED – I have NEVER been attacked by a boll weevil!!! Thank you, Lord.

Off we go ... literally

No wind when I got home tonight, so took my little yellow plane out flying. Went to a football field across the street. A WIDE open football field. With two goal posts. Of course in all this HUGE, WIDE OPEN SPACE, I flew the plane directly into one of the goal posts. Goal posts, I learned, have a tendency to NOT move when hit by little, plastic planes. The plane moved, however, in about a thousand different directions. Glued the thousand pieces back together. And tried to get one more flight in for the night. Didn't notice that the wind had picked-up. IT FLEW!!! And it kept flying. Away. Far, far away. I lost sight of it. It's gone. I don't think this will be a case of "Lassie Come Home." It probably doesn't remember where I live. Hell I don't even remember where I live half the time.

Farewell little yellow plane. Sorry about the goal post thing. Be free.

Maiden Flight

Found a BEAUTIFUL flying field so took the Wild Hawk out for her maiden flight. Wide open field with one tree in it. I, of course, put the plane IN the one tree ... and spent 45 minutes poking it out of the tree with fishing rods taped together.

Never could get it to fly again though. It could never get enough lift to fly.

A family showed up and were watching as it repeatedly nose-dived into the ground, pieces flying everywhere. And the guy gets out of his car with his family ... with a plane ... I gave him the field ... his little plane SOARED into the heavens, circling and dipping and diving for a good 10 minutes. An INCREDIBLE flight equipped with a PERFECT damned landing.

I left with a badly bruised male ego.

I TOUCHED THIS TONIGHT!!!!!

All my life, since I was a little boy, I've wanted to see two scary things:

1. A tornado
2. A black widow spider

Number 2 was eliminated from the list this evening when I reached for a gas can outside and felt a spider web and something pretty large move on my hand.

The shiny, black bulb-shaped part of the body is about the size of a large peanut. The hour glass is VIVID red.

I captured it and my grandson and I are studying it. Sorry all you spider fans out there, it is an ex-spider now. She played dead when I first caught her. She's not playing any more.

Now every two seconds, I feel like something is crawling on me. I guess I deserve that for "deceasing" her.

Droogie Race

HHJH just ran a bit about A Clockwork Orange and it reminded me of a story:

My wife and friends and I were at a sci-fi convention years back and entered the First Annual 1 Mile Fun Run. Except we entered as Droogies from A Clockwork Orange. 6 fully-costumed Droogies, a guy dressed as a cow, a seriously drunken fellow and one serious runner (the guy that organized the run).

It was a mile run and quite a few of the non-participating sci-fi attendees showed up to watch the race. As it was only a one mile run, even out of shape, hung over and dressed like Stanley Kubrik characters, it shouldn't have taken us more than 15 minutes to "run" 1 mile ... except, being Droogies, we HAD to cheat! So about 100 yards away from the start/finish line, beyond view of the spectators, we, the Droogs, had a car waiting for us, filled with beer/whiskey. All but the serious runner and the cow jumped in the car and drove off to the half-mile mark. And there we parked and partied. In a couple of minutes the real (and only) runner showed up, angry because nobody was taking this seriously. We told him we were taking our drinking seriously, besides, the cow came hoofing over the hill several minutes after that. We ALL got drunk. For about a half hour.

We'd forgotten about the spectators at the start/finish line. Ooops. But they hadn't forgotten about us, got worried, and sent out a search/rescue party that found 6 drunk Droogs, a REALLY drunken previously drunken fellow, an inebriated cow and one tipsy, pissed-off runner. So the search party joined us ... yes, they sent out ANOTHER search party to search for us AND the earlier search party. The second search party met the same fate as the first one and got drunk with us too.

We all decided to offer the remaining spectators an exciting end of the race. So EVERYBODY piled into and onto the car, drove back up the hill, just barely out of site and then had the car chase us Droogs up the hill and off into an adjacent parking lot past, but not OVER the finish line. We never finished the race. The cow and the runner staged a wind sprint to the finish. The cow won. The drunk was passed-out in the back seat of the car. And the real runner? Well, his shorts were cute, but he was bested by Bessie.

The First Annual Fun Run was also the Last Annual Fun Run.

Damn Droogies spoiled ALL the fun by cheating. The organizer/runner refused to speak to any of us the rest of the weekend. I mean, getting beaten by a drunken, out of shape cow is likely not the highlight of any runner's career.

Engh, f@@k 'em if he can't take a joke.

I think I've got it backwards

My Doc made me stay home from work for 3 days. Fortunately, I'm house- and grandson- sitting this week. My daughter and son have a GORGEOUS house. And in that house is a hot tub. And in that hot tub am I (said Sam I Am).

I thought the idea was that you work hard all your life and you can get little luxuries. Like a hot tub. As usual, my thinker's on the fritz. My house has an UGLY pink bathtub that's WAY too short for me. Did I mention that it is ugly? And the only bubbles in it would need to be provided by me.

I must be doing something wrong.

Engh...back to my temporary jaccuzi...ahhhhhhhhh. My doctor told me to relax. She didn't mention anything about comatose. So it must be OK.

PS. I'm writing this post on my iPhone while IN the bubbling hot tub - the iPhone I had to purchase after killing my original one by getting a tiny drop of water in one of the ports. Like I said, thinker's on the fritz.

PSS. New family policy - a spin off of the Foreign Exchange Student Program - all of our family members must now switch houses for one month at a time ... 'cept whoever gets Sue's and my house is kind of like volunteering for duty in Siberia.