A field trip to the Cinemas

My grandson wanted to go see the new animated flick "9" yesterday. Sounded like fun - I haven't been to a theater since "Hunt for Red October" was released. Yeah, it's been a while. There's a reason why I stopped going and I'd forgotten until yesterday.

Don't get me wrong. Spending "guy time" with my grandson was WAY COOL! And the animation was AWESOME. Unfortunately, the script was as transparent as Saran Wrap. But being with my Bud and the animation made it worth every cent.

I was to find out that it would cost LOTS of cents. LOTS and LOTS. A second mortgage worth.

We went to the early matinee. The last matinee I went to was, well, uh, in 1965 - Goldfinger. Cost then? 25 cents. Cost for two of us to see "9" - $14!!!

Oh, screw it. It's only money. (You know, whoever came up with that saying probably had a LOT of IT!)

A movie is NOT a movie without popcorn. Right? Of course, back in 1969, popcorn was 10 cents. Not knowing what sizes S-M-L would actually be, volume-wise, I ordered a LARGE. A truck backed up to the counter, BEEP, BEEP, BEEP and dumped a load of popcorn into a grocery bag. Cost - $14!!!! Had the Native Americans known the true value of teaching the Pilgrims how to pop corn, they wouldn't have done it and there would be roadside stands today featuring Pocahontas Popped Corn. History would have been rewritten.

So into the movie we go, grocery bag o' corn in hand.

About 30 minutes into the film, I discover that scientists have been toying with the genetics of popcorn. Popcorn has now been engineered as such to instill MAXIMUM thirst in a MINIMUM amount of time. I go to the consession stand for further fleecing. My eyes SAW the price of a SMALL soft drink on the menu, but my brain blocked what it had seen as being impossible. The woman hands me the drinks and mutters, "AID dollup spleez." having no clue of what she just said, I asked her to repeat it. She did. "Eight dollars, please." .... for two SMALL drinks?! I didn't ask to have 20-year old bourbon in them, just ice, water, corn syrup and flavoring.

So back in the theater I go. Climbing the steps wasn't too hard this time, even with the drinks in hand, probably the absense of weight caused by the absence of money.

But you know what? Doesn't matter. I had a GREAT TIME with my buddy. And THAT makes it all worth while.

A guy and his talking cat...

Ever seen a show with a fellow that owns a cat that talks, drives a Schwan's truck, plays bridge, drinks "scotches and sodas" and is one bad-ass quilter??? Oh yeah, and she (Pearl) has a sexy Russian accent.

Meet my coworker, Josh Keown, and his cat Pearl. Josh and a bunch of other very talented folks have produced a 6-part Internet video series called, "The Pearl and I", that's running on Funny Or Die. The first episode aired on 09.09.09 - oddly enough on the day that was proclaimed, "NO CATS ON THE WORLD WIDE WEB DAY". God, I love the web.

Here's the link to The Pearl and I:

The Pearl and I

Check it out and vote Funny! Josh needs the votes. He's actually a poor black child in Oomboobway Africa. For every Funny vote he receives, his cat Pearl will be given a single piece of Kibble. So, in a way, the kitty's life and a little black boy's happiness depend on YOU! Vote NOW ... helping a destitute and his kitty is a GREAT WAY to get your weekend started.

This evening's project

A Ficus Too Little cascade.

Hmmmm...

Not sure which is stranger - the truck in the tree - or the guy on the ground - my money's on the guy.

A Major Award

Charmed and Dangerous

So YOU'RE the person that reads my blog! Thanks, Charmed. I will cherish this always. It's obviously Italian, probably from Fragile, Italy. A major award ... I've never won anything like that before.

I'm speechless, which is EXTREMELY rare.

Thanks!

Having Grilled Buffalo ...

... but this photo just ruined it ... it's TOO FRIGGIN' CUTE!

Now I feel like a murderer.

Apple replaced my water-logged iPhone!

And this one's waterproof! However, it only gets the Disney Channel on the internet and will not allow me to watch anything other than G-rated YouTube videos.

My wife paddling a wii canoe

God forbid our house ever floods.

Japanese 12-Step Program

"Buddha, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference."

How to stop terrorists for $1

Chinese finger traps. Note: will NOT work on Chinese terrorists.

Notice the Doorknob

Now notice what's NEXT to the doorknob.

The doorknob I ALMOST opened!

AAAAARRGGHH! Look at the size of that sucker. He/She is, uh, no longer "with us". But not without a fight ... It chased me (really) ... Then I chased it and then the cycle repeated several times.

According to wikipedia, it was probably a deadly black mamba spider from deepest, darkest Uganda. Either that or a common wood spider from Jeffersonville. My money's on the mamba. Scared the poop out of me.

New Indian name

I was once given the Indian name, "Loses Keys at Check In". For some strange reason, even with all the travel I do, I haven't lost a single room key in decades (I probably shouldn't have said that.). So it's time for a change. My new, self-assigned Indian name is, "Destroys iPhone in 90 Days". It's appropriate.

Amendment to the "I hate plumbing" story

The plumber was here less than 2 hours. Parts totalled $4.18. Total bill - $423.00 ... 200 F**KING DOLLARS PER HOUR!!! I don't think GOD makes that much! Why would anybody that makes $400,000.00 a year WANT to put their hands in other people's shit? Probably to MAKE $400,000.00, I guess. Good thing the sink's working now because I puked in it. FOUR HUNDRED AND TWENTY THREE DOLLARS ON A CHARGE CARD AT 24% INTEREST!!!!!????? And this REALLY pissed me off - the plumbing snake that I broke off in the pipe and couldn't get loose? ... my wife said he spent about 30 seconds on it - he pulled it right out, the nasty stuff that was clogging the sink came with it and the sink was fixed! It cost $142 to pull out the snake and reattach two pipes that it took me about 30 seconds to attach myself ... BLLAAHHGERFFLABULLY!!!

I'm pretty sure we just bought another episode of Ghost Hunters with that kind of cash.

This is official notice, I'm going to go to trade school and become a plumber/banker/lawyer (I'd toss in car salesman too, but I'd have to do the honorable thing and commit harikari). I'm going to call my new company "Ream-Yur-Ass Inc." ... It works for all three professions and cuts to the chase.

Now let me get this straight

For the last year or so, 24/7, my neck has felt like someone's cramming a needle into it ... so today the doctors stuck a needle into my neck repeatedly to see WHY it feels like someone is ... sticking a needle in there ... but first, they stuck a needle in there to deaden my neck so it wouldn't hurt when they ... stuck a needle in there ... !!!??? Confused? Me too. Now it REALLY hurts!

Do they still use the guillotine anywhere?

One word - Zesto's